Empowering Families to Thrive Together

Barry asked: “Why do girls show skin, flirt and do so much to drive us guys nuts only to freak out when we want to enjoy what they offer?”

Right guys, buckle up. To get answers for these questions we need to take a trip to girly world. (And don’t worry, you are not expected to wear pink.)

To understand girls, you need to know 5 things:

1. No two girls are the same. (So, let’s be cautious to generalise.)
2. They do not belong to a secret society that is out to nail guys.
3. Girls are not trained in the art of guy-torture. (That just comes naturally to them.)
4. Almost all girls like attention or to be the centre of attraction.

But the most important thing you need to know is this:

1. Girls do not think like guys do.

So, now that you know all this, let’s look at how it influences the behaviour of girls.

Flirting

Unlike guys who like to look, girls like to be looked at. It makes them feel good and special when they get attention.

However, there are two kinds of flirting. The first is where a girl will use flirting to let you know she is interested and would like to get to know you better (which does not mean she will still like and want to go out with you once she’s gotten to know you).

The second type of flirting is where girls use it to achieve some personal goal. For example, some girls will use flirting to get attention so they can feel good, have fun “playing” with / teasing guys, see how many guys they can get to show interest in them, get guys to fight over them, make the girlfriends of guys jealous or see how sexually aroused they can get a guy. For these girls flirting is a tool in the twisted “game” they play with guys to achieve some personal satisfaction. The “problem” with this type of flirting is that it is never about the guy, it’s about the girl and what she wants. This is why such girls, once a guy shows interest, will stop flirting with him and move on to the next guy. In other words, these girls don’t care if they mislead and hurt you by leading you on or making you think they like or care about you. Solution: Walk away immediately.

“But how do I know the difference between the two types of flirting?” A girl who really likes you won’t overdo it because she would not want to scare you away while girls “using” flirting will usually overdo it. (Tip: If you’re still not sure, do the following. Walk away and see how the girl reacts. If she moves on quickly to someone else, you’ll know. If she does not, approach her, apologise for having walked away and ask if you can take her out for a milkshake. If she flirted with you because she liked you, she’ll most likely accept. If not, read her this article so she will understand you were not rude when you walked away, you just wanted to make sure she liked you.)

Tight clothes and flashing skin

This is another way for girls to get attention, but like with flirting, for different reasons. For example, girls who like to “show what they have” can do it to “feel good” when guys look, put other girls in their place / make them feel “less than her” / make them jealous, take the spotlight and get all the attention for herself or steal another girl’s guy. Then there are those who do it because it makes them feel desirable and sexy or because they actually want to get intimate. Here the focus is not on the guy and what she “shows,” but on what she gets from doing so.

Then there are the girls who don’t realize they’re tempting guys with what they’re wearing / showing and those who just don’t care.

Let’s start with those that are a bit naïve. These are usually girls who, while they just want to feel / hear they’re pretty, don’t know enough about guys to know how guys, and their hormones, think (because their parents have not done the trouble to talk to them about guys, hormones, sex and all that stuff). So, be kind to these girls because they simply don’t understand or realise the impact of what they’re wearing, or showing is having on you. (Tip: You can do this kind of girl a big favour. Make friends with her or simply have a friendly talk one day and ask if she is aware of what the other guys say and think. After all, if you don’t tell her, who else will? To make sure she does not take what you say the wrong way, show her this article so she can see you only followed our advice to protect her.)

This brings us to those girls who don’t care about what they wear or show. This can be because they’re self-centered and don’t care much about other people, don’t care if they tempt you / other guys, expect guys to “switch off” their natural instincts while she’s displaying the full menu, be entitled and arrogant enough to think she can do whatever she wants in public and that everybody must just be “okay” with it, refuse to accept that she has a responsibility to show some form of respect for others and apply some decency in public or because she has some personal “issue(s)”. Whatever the case may be, trying to talk with and make girls like this aware of the consequences of what they’re doing will most likely only lead to a fight – so spare yourself that pain.

Solution: Find a girl friend or girlfriend who knows how to respect herself and her body and begin to spend time with her. That won’t keep you from seeing all these other girls, but when you’re with someone who doesn’t push it into your face all the time, it becomes easier to ignore those who do this. Being with a girl who has inner beauty (e.g., a pure heart, a nice personality, respect for herself and others and a healthy attitude) will help you see how empty those other girls are and how little value what they “put on display” and “offer” really have. In fact, once you see how much that “plain” girl you’re with really has to offer she will become “sexier” than those other girls.

Why girls freak out when you look

1. The girl actually wanted another guy to take notice.
2. Because she is shy or lacks self-confidence she becomes self-conscious when you look.
3. She wants to find out what you think when you look or why you looked.
4. She may be getting more attention than what she hoped for or are ready to handle.
5. She does not like how you look at her.
6. The girl may think that you are not looking at her, the person, but only her body.

What you can do about it

1. Treat each girl as a person and an individual. That means, look her in the eye and connect with her as a person before you begin to look at the goodies on the outside. That is, after all, why she went through all the trouble to get your attention - to see her, the person inside the body.

Are there other reasons why girls dress the way they do? Yes!

1. There are girls who believe that this is how “real girls” must dress.
2. Then you get girls who dress “crappy” because they have no sense of fashion or don’t know what looks good and what not.
3. Insecure girls may dress sexy to boost their self-confidence.
4. You also get girls who wear skimpy clothes because it gives them a sense of power over guys. I mean, what can be more fun than using your body to enslave guys to do your every wish? (Girls, this is not nice - so don’t do it.)
5. Others simply like to look and feel good and they use clothes to achieve this.

Tip! Develop a reputation as the guy who treats girls like individuals and the girls who chase you will use their personalities and not their bodies to get your attention.